CHOCK FULL OF STARRY GOODNESS…

Zac Efron is Attacked by Swirly at Premiere of Charlie St. Cloud

With everything going on in the world today: financial crisis, war, poverty, etc., Celebstalk feels like we should really address the pressing matters at hand. You know, the stuff that really makes you look deep into your soul and change not just your life, but the lives of others around you. That’s why we found it so vital that we address what has become a crucial matter in the media: Zac Efron’s hair and WTF is going on with it?!

(Charlie St. Cloud, Film Premiere, Regency Village Theatre , Westwood, California. – Russ Einhorn / Splash News)

 At the premiere of Efron’s new flick, Charlie St. Cloud, he donned this disaster of a hairdo. Why, Zac Efron? WHY?! Now, we know what you’re thinking. “It’s not so bad” right? WRONG! As alarmed as we were at the first sighting of what we can now only refer to as “the Efron Swirly”, nothing could have prepared us for this…

The Swirly Sideview. Doubly dangerous because not only does it terrify, it fascinates in the horrific way a train wreck would. The Swirly Sideview has the ability to not only scare the living hell out of you, but while doing so, it renders its victims helpless to oncoming danger. Like a rabid puppy, it’s peril knows no bounds.

So why would Zac get such a catastrophic coif? We don’t know Celebstalkers, but we can promise you that we have been tirelessly researching this holocaust of a haircut. So far, we have come up with three possibilities:

  • A) He is channeling creative instincts through his hair:

Ace Ventura was a cult classic. Although Zac is young, he may be a huge Jim Carrey fan and wanted to use his hair for inspiration in his work.

Notice how the swirly sideview in this image renders the poor little monkey helpless from escape.

Oh, he wants to leave…but the swirly commands him to stay…

Everyone remembers how successful the 90’s movie There’s Something About Mary was. Another unforgettable scene from the now classic comedy was the infamous “hair gel” scene. Cameron had no idea then about the power of the swirl.

Maybe Zac was trying to use a subliminal message to get us to spend our money at the theaters so he could get a hefty payday?

Or maybe, he was just nervous…You know…

Edward Cullen, AKA The Perfect Man and Celebstalk’s June Mougar of the Month, played by Robert Pattinson.

We constantly are hearing comparison’s between the two stars even though we don’t really agree with the resemblance, but maybe Zac figured since they are always being compared, why not bask in the glory?

Maybe he is up for a part against RPattz and thinks the swirl will help him?

Maybe he wants to play Renesmee in Breaking Dawn? Whatever it is, we know that the swirly is nothing to play around with and that it takes the strength of a bloodthirsty vampire to tame it. Proceed with caution, young Efron.

B) Maybe he is homesick? Maybe he longs for the days when life was simpler, before all the High School Musical hoopla changed him. Maybe he is channeling the younger, more innocent Zac Efron?

Maybe this picture of this swirly-esque doggie ‘do reminded him of one of his childhood pets?

Maybe he figured since he couldn’t spend time with his furry friend, he would channel his love in a way that would keep them together?

We’re not sure, but we do know this: this dog does not look happy, Zac Efron…proceed with caution!

The Kewpie doll. Aww! We can see it now…little Zac Efron playing in his bedroom with his beloved Kewpie doll, eyes full of imagination and wonder.

Maybe he wanted to be taken back to that day, before he had to answer to “the man”.

We understand Zac, but you don’t sell yourself to the devil to get out of payin’ the rent.

We beg of you…back away from the Kewpie, Efron!

C) Maybe he was just really hungry. The pressures of Hollywood are no joke, Celebstalkers. If you want to get that next big role, you have to look good, or else it’s back to the drawing board.

Mmmm! Ice cream! We bet it’s been awhile since old Zacky was able to indulge in a nice cold treat like this!

Maybe he was getting ready for the premiere and with the heat and the constant pain of hunger, he wanted a nice frosty treat to make him feel better?

Maybe he talked to his manager and told him of this insatiable craving, only to be knocked down again?

Maybe this haircut is a way to get revenge on the people who denied him such delectable treats?

Well, Zac Efron, you’ll get your revenge alright, but the swirly will take out all the innocent bystanders around you in the process! Ask yourself this: is it worth it?

Wow! That lollipop sure looks tasty! We bet Zac Efron was thinking the same thing when he saw it.

But was he again denied this sweet treat in order to maintain that girly figure of his?

Or maybe he did indeed indulge in this forbidden confection and at the last minute, the limo pulled up to the premiere and he was forced to hide it?

But where could he hide it? Maybe…just maybe…in his hair? And the swirly was born.

Whatever the reason for this calamity, fear not Celebstalkers! We are here for you and promise that we will not rest until the mind-boggling mystery of the Swirly and it’s intentions are made clear.

Why do you think Zac Efron would do this?

Is it a political statement? Do you think we are on to something? Do you think he just has really bad taste in hair?

3 responses

  1. Maggie

    Efron is so lame!

    July 24, 2010 at 5:35 pm

  2. kayla

    this post is hilarious i htink that zac-fron just wishes that he got the part as edward cullen and now try to act like robert patterson! he is not anywehre near as good-looking as my robert!

    July 24, 2010 at 5:37 pm

  3. I love browsing your site for the reason that you can constantly get us fresh and awesome things, I think that I should at least say thanks for your hard work.

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    December 7, 2010 at 4:15 am

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