Since the dawn of time, there have been the emotions of happiness and sadness, love and pain, comedy and tragedy…

This spectrum of emotion has fueled fires and wars the world over…but no war…no fire could have prepared us for what would become the most epic of all battles…. THE BATTLE OF THE MULLETS!!!!!!

The Comedy Mullet

Can be identified by the spiky top and soft wisps on the bottom.

Has been responsible for the success of sitcoms, movies, music and romance.

Is often accompanied by a general state of happiness and awesomeness.

The Tragedy Mullet

Is easily identifiable by subject harboring a general sense of hatred and/or disgust for the rest of the world.

Pairs wonderfully with ill fitting tank top and/or flannel.

Has been responsible for murderous rages, teary outbursts, music and romance.

So what have these mullets contributed to society? More than you probably know. While many people assume that comedy/tragedy mullets are affected primarily by the subjects wearing them, this is absolutely false. Celebstalk has been tirelessly researching this phenomenon and have found that the real culprit that is responsible for the mass hysteria is indeed the mullet itself.

If you’ll notice, the mullet worn by David Spade in the movie Joe Dirt is completely different from the mullet Charlize Theron wore in Monster. While many of you likely assume that the mullet was put in these movies strictly to imitate the characters, it is actually the mullet that is responsible for the acts that were committed by each person. We have included some of Celebstalk’s findings below.

Comedy Mullet AKA Joe Dirt Mullet

Notice how Joe Dirt is smiling? We believe that the sideburn portion of the mullet is responsible for this. I mean, come on, if you had awesome ‘burns like these, wouldn’t YOU be happy as hell? We sure would!

Also notice the length: We have determined that the length of the mullet contributes to the length of happiness on the mullet-meter. The fact that the mullet thins out dramatically we believe contributes to the level of happiness by not “dragging down” the subject.

Take a moment, also, to notice that even though David is wearing the worst possible alligator fighting outfit ever, he is still smiling. Do you really think that if he had any other hairstyle that he would be so happy? The answer is clear: Hell to the no!

Tragedy Mullet AKA Monster Mullet

Notice the expression on Charlize Theron’s face as she plays the lead in the movie Monster. See her general distaste and shocked look? We think that this is due to the slight feathering and sweepiness of the top of the mullet. Her eyes are only open so widely because she can’t control the mullet.

Take a look at the thickness of the mullet. It is almost exactly the same thickness of the gun she is carrying, which ironically, looks great with this mullet.

Notice the general “thrown together” look that the subject is wearing? We believe that this is because of the mullet. This woman is clearly so distraught by the affects and appearance of the mullet that she threw together this disaster of an outfit in an effort to escape it. When she got to the forest, she realized her plan had failed and snapped. This was the beginning of the end for this poor tragic case. If she had any other hairstyle, would she have gone over the edge? The world will never know…..

So what do you think, Celebstalkers? Which mullet is your favorite? Do you prefer the raw, murderous, rage inflicting mullet? Or are you more in favor of the alligator wrestling, sideburn sporting happiness that is the comedy mullet? Vote now!

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